Chemistry

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As I am working on my new web series 3 Sheets I find myself reflecting on chemistry and its importance in not only creative pursuits, but every day life.

Chemistry seems like a buzzword to most people, but in reality it is a very real, and very neccesary part of life. From jobs to love, the world turns on chemistry. Most people think that chemistry is an elusive, ephemeral thing that can't be pinned down, defies control and is more akin to magic than logic.

I am here to tell you that this can't be farther from the truth.

Now gentle reader, I'm most definitely not saying that chemistry can't be an instantaneous, undefinable thing that happens between people. I think all of us have experienced an "instant connection", a feeling that we have known each other forever.

I am just saying that you are not at the mercy of this spontaneous chemical reaction. Like any good chemist knows, any chemical reaction can be produced if one knows the ingredients, temperature and pressures needed.

Chemist, Know Thyself

The first essential ingredient to producing chemistry with a person where it might not exist naturally is to be honest with yourself, about yourself. What type of person are you, from a relationship standpoint. How comfortable are you with going outside your confort zone?

What are the best aspects of your personality? What are the worst? Once you have a handle on who you are, you can begin to push and pull aspects of what makes you, you so that the stage can be set for a chemical reaction to be created and sustained.

I will of course point out here that this self examination has many benefits. Knowing yourself better, honestly, means you have the information and self awareness to hopefully move towards realizing the best version of yourself.

This is probably the most worthwhile thing that a single human being can do for the world. Be you, but the best version. Bring the most good into the world, limit the bad. This is a worthy pursuit. Get to it.

Chemist, Know Thy Elements

Now that you know yourself, you must take the time to really observe the person you wish to create chemistry with. This involves listening, critically, to what they say, observing how they act, cataloging the type of people they spend time with.

Once you know what drives a person you can begin to find ways to adjust your personality and behavior to more effectively complement them. This isn't an idle process. It take thought, determination and finesse.

To be authentic in your evolution as opposed to coming off as a fake is difficult but not impossible.

Now please, don't misunderstand. I'm not advocating becoming a fake, poser or plastic-y person. I am advocating becoming a chameleon. Condition yourself to be able to evolve yourself more closely match the people around you.

I am one of those people that gets a long with almost everyone they meet. Most people think that this is somethinh special about me, but in reality it is because I had to learn to do this as a survival skill when I was younger.

Being able to quickly adapt to a new group of people, or person, and integrating yourself with them was a tool I used to survive and thrive in many situations that would have been far worse otherwise.

As an adult, removed from situations where I employed these processes defensively, I have found that continuing to do this has given me a much broader group of friends, with a wide range of interests and personalities.

My life is much richer and better for it, for which I am very, very grateful.