Yes, I am going to prognosticate for you all now, and tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt what Apple will announce today:

1. Apple will be releasing new products and/or services that you will immediately want, but not have the money to purchase.
2. The machine you just bought three days ago, yeah that one; completely and utterly useless now, you must upgrade, obey your Jobsian overlord!
3. Steve Jobs will mispronounce at least one word in the keynote, probably the name of some large jungle cat.

That's it folks, have a nice day.